Memorial Day Weekend 4 Years Sober

I used to be gone drinking every Memorial Day. It was tradition. I was pretending to have so much fun in pools and boats. Some of it was fun. Some of it was not. I am not faulting the company that I was in. I thank the hosts so much for their generosity. The problem wasn’t with them, the problem was with me.

I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know what I wanted or what I needed. I wasn’t comfortable anywhere. Truth be told, I loved the excuse to drink all weekend. I think everybody did. I am not sure anyone drank as much as me, but that’s not my business.

I was anxious.

I drank.

I woke up with hangovers and shame and did it again on repeat for 3 days of the holiday weekend instead of two.

I needed to start the summer with a big splash. Literally, lol.

I needed to prove we were having So. Much. Fun. I needed my drinking, around others, in the daytime, to be super normal. I needed to compare myself to other drinkers so I could say “See? I am ok.”

I wanted to be ok.

Don’t we all compare ourselves to the people around us to make sure we are on track. Don’t we love it when someone is “worse” than us, so we can be not “that” bad? I was probably that person for some people.