JOMO — The Difference Between Short Term Pleasure and Long Term Happiness
I have had nothing but JOMO this Labor Day.
The Joy Of Missing Out.
JOMO is new to me and I am still a bit shocked at just how much JOMO I have.
This makes me question my past decisions, but anyway…I am here now.
Please do not confuse me with being a bore, or a prude, or a homebody.
Actually, I am those things too, but still…
I am an extrovert.
A party girl.
I am someone up for adventure.
Most of the time, I still party sober.
I go to lakes, pools, boats, and bbq’s on summer holiday weekends.
However, I did none of that this Labor Day weekend and I absolutely loved it.
When I was in my first few weeks, (and even months) sober I tucked in early and a lot.
Staying sober was my priority so I avoided anything that triggered me.
This was nearly everything.
I was also boring myself to death.
As a girl with an edge, I wondered how I was ever going to keep up this Puritan-type lifestyle.
I like to socialize.
I like to party.
I like to be busy, moving, going, doing, exploring and generally throwing myself out into the world for feedback.
Once I got my sober footing, I started adventuring out more.
Sometimes I felt like I had something to prove as a sober person.
I stay up extra late.
I laughed extra loud.
I tried too hard to be SUPER funny.
I made sure to swear and be outrageous.
So loud, so fun, so cool, especially for a sober person, you know?
I wanted everyone to know I was sober, but I was still me.
Fucking funny as shit, (if you ask me).
Witty as hell.
A freaking good time.
I still feel a bit of both these things, a Puritan and a try too hard party girl.
This weekend felt like the right mix of contentment to me.
At 2 1/2 years sober, the anticipation of a holiday weekend doesn’t bring the same rush of anxiety that it used to.
As a drinking person, and as a newly sober person, I had to precisely fill my time with an agenda.
I needed a plan.
I had to know what was happening.
I micromanaged every second.
A holiday weekend would mean a drinking weekend and I had to figure out how I was, or was not, going to drink, accordingly.
This created a lot of internal stress.
This weekend I barely recognized that it was a holiday weekend approaching.
I had loose plans and I was ok to let it be.
I can’t tell you what a big turnaround this is for me.
I mean do you hear that?
I have turned into a go with the flow kinda person right before my own eyes.
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?!
I had been zooming with work all week.
I was glued to my computer and phone screens making stuff happen for my business.
I was filled with exciting and nerve wrecking meetings all week, and I couldn’t stop.
I had high highs and low lows.
I was working all hours of the day.
Nothing felt good enough for me.
I was turning to social media for distraction.
My screen time was up.
I had an irritation and a craving inside of me that nothing seemed to fix.
I could sense this happening, because as a sober person, I pay attention to myself.
I knew I needed to get out of my grind, out of my routine, and out of my house.
So I cleared my calendar and signed myself up for an hour of outdoor yoga on Friday morning.
I drove about ½ hour and landed in the most beautiful spot for the class.
The movement, music, and instructor was all phenomenal.
What really healed me though, was the space I created to sit still and listen to my own breath.
By the end of class my body was left shaking in the best way.
Fear was leaving me and I was preparing to address some long overdue issues.
This was the best way to start my weekend.
It’s not that I want to address these issues, or have these issues.
It’s that now that I am sober; avoiding, numbing, and ignoring are no longer options for me.
Feeling feelings, being honest with myself, and finding solutions are the only way forward.
I can’t unknow the things I know.
I have to follow the knowing, my intuition.
I have committed to listening to myself and never abandoning myself again for the rest of my life.
So although this isn’t Instagram worthy, it is maybe not a big hype, or even quotable, it is the one true next step I will always have.
This kind of direction heals a lot of old wounds.
Healing in the deep is the most powerful work I could do on this planet.
I also had my annual physical, and although it’s not fun or cool, it is relieving to be someone who takes care of myself. Hearing that every single health metric has improved and answering the “do you drink alcohol?” question with a simple no, are all additions to my peace of mind. An annual trip to the doctor used to create so much fear, anxiety, and shame.
Living a life in alignment with my values creates harmony and a sense of wellbeing instead.
Friday evening I enjoyed Mexican food and playing cards on a patio with friends, in perfect end of summer weather. We shared stories, laughed and listened to music.
Saturday morning after journaling and coffee I joined a friend in my first tennis lesson in 27 years. This might not sound cool to you, but it is to me!
It was a lesson in overcoming my own inner critic on the court. I had fun smashing balls, missing balls, meeting people, and reigniting my competitive spirit. At age 44, it is not often that I allow myself to be a beginner again. I reconnected with the girl I was on the high school tennis team.
Saturday afternoon was spent in the hammock with my young niece and nephew and our imaginations. There is nothing more precious than being an aunt to kids you adore and then give back. I love to love on them.
I then enjoyed a nap and spa bath before meeting friends at a local brewery to watch the Derby. My husband and I shared my favorite meal, a big soft pretzel and charcuterie board. We then listened to live music outside. I had to smuggle my alcohol free beer in with me, because I am such a sober badass.
We ended the night on our front porch confronting those issues that left me crying in yoga.
I woke up to rain on Sunday, which felt like the perfect weather for staying in and having no plans. My daughters and I went to lunch and then to the mall for new fall candles and soaps.
We came home and spent the rest of the day decorating for fall, which is my favorite season. I made perfect chicken parmesan for dinner with fresh basil from my herb garden.
The girls and I ended the night cuddled on the couch together with our candles lit and the watching the incredible Netflix Documentary, Knock Down The House. It was the pick of my 15 year old. Her passion for social justice impresses me beyond belief.
Monday I slept in as I possibly could. I enjoyed coffee, reading, and journaling alone before my daughters woke up. Upon waking I made them a big breakfast of french toast, berries, and bacon.
I then headed out for a 5 mile run. It had been months since I ran that far. I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Long story short, I did it. I wasn’t fast, but I was faster than I had been months ago.
I came home and we ran errands. We dropped off hand me downs to neighbors and friends. It felt so good to get bags of stuff out of our house and to share what we no longer needed.
We then went to the grocery store and got fresh food for our week.
We listened to this song on repeat.
My husband and I took a walk with the dog. Both girls have friends over.
I am tucked in bed in my pj’s at 7 pm and it’s not from being exhausted or hungover.
It’s from having everything in its place.
It’s indulgent for me to call it a day and spend the next few hours reading alone.
This was my Labor Day Weekend and I couldn’t be happier. I am set for the week ahead. I had the right mix of plans and no plans. Being social and being alone. I mostly enjoyed the low key quality time with my daughters. No pressure.
This is a big change from forced fun and drinking to mask my discomfort with groups of people.
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