Alcohol is No Longer a Temptation

There was a moment this weekend where I picked up a glass of whiskey,

so I could wash the table underneath so we could play cards after dinner.

I put my nose in and smelled it.

It smelled so good!!!

It gave me a warm, boozy, fuzzy feeling just to sniff it.

I knew I would love the burn going down my throat.

Whiskey wasn’t my drink of choice, but I always did like it.

Did I want a sip of whiskey?

Maybe?

Did I want that happy burn and fuzzy buzz to come over me?

Yes, I definitely did.

I know now what that would mean for me.

Alcohol is a big head game.

I am so glad to not be playing anymore.

Ultimately, I don’t want what alcohol brings.

For me, alcohol brings disappointment, dependence/addiction, hangovers, and shame.

It hijacks my brain into a one track mind with only one thought — drink now.

It clouds everything that is beautiful and free about me.

It makes me anxious, and depressed.

It takes away my confidence.

It makes me physically ill.

I love myself alcohol free.

The old self hating and self loathing thoughts threaten to creep in,

at just the idea of having one sip of liquor.

I know the tailspin that would put me in, because I have done it before.

(remember this blog when I 5 months sober and then had a taste of tequila?

Beach Vacay From Black Out to Making Memories)

I know this now, but it took me some time to get here.

In the beginning of my sobriety, I would not have trusted myself with a half full bottle of wine being left on my counter after a gathering.

That would have haunted me until I drank it, so I didn’t put myself in that situation.

I did not want a full wine rack of my favorite red blend, or a cocktail cart stocked with…