I used alcohol to turn off the noise in my head.
I had a very loud inner critic and anxiety about nearly everything.
I love the boozy, woozy, relaxed,
“everything will be ok”
feeling my first sips of wine gave me.
What a relief! From myself.
It honestly felt like the only way to get away from the demanding, persistent, never good enough tape running in the background of my head.
When I quit drinking, I was left to deal with this and it wasn’t pretty.
I can still feel anxiety rising up like a lump in my throat sometimes…
We arrive in Cabo.
We walk off the plane, down the steps, into the Mexican earth.
The kids and I feel like we are getting off of Air Force One and wave to the mountains, as if it they are our adoring audience.
The process of getting into another country is stressful, even as a visitor.
There’s forms to fill out and never enough pens.
There’s too many germs.
There’s confusing repeat questions.
The airport is full of tired travelers, crying babies, and not enough air flow.
My main goal in these situations is to exercise my strong project management…
I am annoyed when people over explain their relationship with social media and here I am doing the same.
I think it’s arrogant to think anyone really cares, but it turns out they do.
And I do too.
I am a solopreneur building my coaching business and Instagram has been a wonderful resource for me.
I inspire and support people in ditching the drink.
The growing sober/alcohol free IG community has been a great tool in my own recovery.
It has also offered a cost effective place to market my offerings.
I love it!
I started like any regular person…
I was driving home this morning from dropping my daughter off at her summer job, and I was thinking about our upcoming all inclusive family vacation.
It hit me that I hadn’t thought about alcohol on this vacation yet and it is quickly approaching.
Alcohol was not a thought in planning it, booking it, or packing for it.
I remember taking a similar vacation a few years ago.
I was excited, anxious, and fully prepared to accomplish my first all inclusive sober vacay.
You can read about it here.
I have also unsuccessfully attempted sober vacations before.
It was painful to get out from under the grip of alcohol dependence.
Time and space from alcohol has changed me, my values, and my priorities.
I am a different person today, than I was on my last Day 1.
I continue to choose to live alcohol free every day.
I have no desire to drink alcohol anymore.
I thought being sober was going to be sad and boring.
I thought I would always feel like I was missing out.
I expected to be jealous of friends that were still drinking.
I am happy to report, that is not at…
There was a moment this weekend where I picked up a glass of whiskey,
so I could wash the table underneath so we could play cards after dinner.
I put my nose in and smelled it.
It smelled so good!!!
It gave me a warm, boozy, fuzzy feeling just to sniff it.
I knew I would love the burn going down my throat.
Whiskey wasn’t my drink of choice, but I always did like it.
Did I want a sip of whiskey?
Did I want that happy burn and fuzzy buzz to come over me?
Yes, I definitely did.
I had my first drink at 12 years old.
This was my toe dipped into the ocean of alcohol back in 1988.
I slammed a Busch Beer in my room alone.
Then I acted “crazy” with myself.
I journaled with sloppy handwriting, so I could prove to myself (and later my best friend),
how drunk I was.
How bad I was.
How out of control I was.
How troubled I was becoming.
How rebellious, dangerous, and grown up, I was.
I hid the empty can in my closet for approximately 12 hours.
The next day I told my Mom what…
I think we should normalize a non linear path to exploring our relationship with alcohol. Just because quitting doesn't happen perfectly or all at one or without fail, doesn't mean we should stop trying or making progress toward a relationship that feels best for us. It took me 3 years plus a lifetime to realize none was the right amount for me.
What do you do on the weekends when you are sober?
Isn’t it boring?
It’s relaxing, productive, and fulfilling.
I had no idea how to spend my time when I first quit drinking.
I was antsy, irritated, and annoyed.
Alcohol had removed my ability to find pleasure in anything but alcohol.
For the first time in a long time, this weekend I had few plans and obligations.
I thought this would be a perfect example of what a “normal” weekend looks like.
Saturday I woke up early and had coffee with my husband,
in our quiet living…
I have had nothing but JOMO this Labor Day.
The Joy Of Missing Out.
JOMO is new to me and I am still a bit shocked at just how much JOMO I have.
This makes me question my past decisions, but anyway…I am here now.
Please do not confuse me with being a bore, or a prude, or a homebody.
Actually, I am those things too, but still…
I am an extrovert.
A party girl.
I am someone up for adventure.
Most of the time, I still party sober.
I go to lakes, pools, boats, and bbq’s on summer holiday…