Member-only story
5 Years Sober, I Want a Glass of Wine
I went to bed before 8 pm last night. My eyes were tired, swollen, and sore from crying.
The dam of tears welling up inside me finally burst when I called my mom yesterday and spoke all my fears out loud. I admitted that I am lonely. My husband and my youngest have been gone most of the last 2 weeks. Competing schedules have made it impossible to get together with friends. I am afraid of rejection for my daughter, in her rush to sorority coming up in a matter of days (no longer weeks). I am afraid of rejection for me in taking on a new business endeavor. I can no longer push these feelings away into the future, they are all suddenly here, now.
I am launching a new coaching business course at the exact same time my first born is leaving for college. It is bringing up every insecurity I ever had. I am reminded of every time I put myself out there and lost, failed, flopped.
There was the 6th grade speech contest Final Championship.
I cried all the way through my speech about recycling, featuring Oscar the Grouch as the trash can.
The Nutcracker tryouts. I wasn’t picked.
I wasn’t good enough even after smiling my show pony best and having individual lessons that cost my mom everything in time and money. They didn’t pick me.
